This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
