He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
