So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
