I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
