Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
