so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
