Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
