Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
