Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
