Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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