Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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