So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
