Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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