Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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