we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
