True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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