I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
