i just had sex bonerless
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
