Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
