hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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