i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
