your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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