I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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