Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
as a side note pls kill me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
