he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He better not be in your backpack
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
