I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
