EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
