too bad you live with your parents still
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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