I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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