New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
