Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
