Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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