So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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