I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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