I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
