If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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