felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
