So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
