Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
