ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
