so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
