youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
