My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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