Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this boner is exhausting
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
