Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
