Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
