I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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