I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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