I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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