Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
