you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
